@Shelts99: You had me at 'I've had 8 vodkas & I hate my boyfriend'
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@imasmartass37: I caught someone stalking me so I stalked them right back. It got awkward sitting in the same tree staring at each other.
@TheBoydP: I'd rather take a bullet for my son than cover for him when mom asks who left the dirty dishes in the sink...
@just1fool: Every time you reach under the couch for something a giant spider must choose whether or not to give up its secure location.
@platinum2000: I make out with a squirrel at a party one time, and now everyone is scared of me? That's just ridiculous, he was dead for at least 2 hours.