@_youhadonejob1: You Had One Job!
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@flaskofwhiskeyy: My friend told me to let loose and be reckless today so I walked really fast with a bowl full of hot soup.
@TheWadest: *requests Uber* *climbs in backseat* Uber driver: "Where to?" Me: "oh, nowhere. I just don't like to change my diaper in the street."