@_youhadonejob1: You Had One Job!
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@NYC_Blonde: Me: The salad with chicken, cheese and can you put it between slices of bread? Waiter: So a sandwich? Me: I'd prefer if we called it a salad
@Parentpains: It's actually pretty easy to win an argument with a woman when you wait until she's not around to have it.
@JillianKarger: ME: *drinks protein shake* Am I gonna be ripped now? BF: No, that's not how it— ME: *trapped under recliner I just tried to lift* Help