@_youhadonejob1: You Had One Job!
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@Neauxpe: The last time I wore a red shirt, I went to Target and laid off 8 people in the morning team huddle.
@stephenjmolloy: Wife: "I'm tired of you endlessly misquoting Arnold Schwarzenegger films. I'm leaving you." Me: "You'll be back."
@krishna_van: I don't always say 'oops', but when I do, it's usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea.