@causticbob: you have three unread messages
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@DanielRCarrillo: If your opponent cracks his knuckles before a fight, have comfort knowing that osteoarthritis will, in due time, avenge your savage beating.
@radtoria: amazing how folks can pinpoint the subtle floral undertones in a glass of wine while i'm like "yo, is there mustard on this grilled cheese?"
@RoosterMustache: Assert dominance over your boss by choosing an elevator button higher than the one he picked & act like its a big deal to wait for his floor