@joeljeffrey: You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it's acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@zombieparrot: Driving and trying to read twitter, I just ran over a poodle. Unfortunately I drive a Yaris. My car got a dent and the poodle got annoyed.
@koalaslament: [on a date] *showing her pics of my pet lizards* ME: "and I named this one Queen Elizardbeth" HER: "I must have sex with you immediately"
@o__0Dev: Clearly the people that design refrigerators don't know me if they think 1 tiny cheese drawer & 2 giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.