@joeljeffrey: You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it's acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
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@i_eat_fruit: COP: do you know why I pulled you over ME: knock knock COP: who’s there ME: do you know why I pulled you over COP: *begins to sweat* n..no
@Schmoodles: My new boyfriend says the cutest things, like "Who are you?" and "Why are you hiding outside my house?" and "My wife is calling the police."
@donni: When I die, I'm donating my body to Simons. I tell this to every Simon I meet. So far, they're not into it