@1_swarthy_dude: You have to kiss a lot of short, black, flamboyant musicians before you can find your Prince.
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@Underchilde: Dear Abby, I saw a questionable mole on this girl I like. How do I tell her without letting her know I hid a camera in her shower?
@toriTBC: When a guy texts "your beautiful," reply with "my beautiful what?" then laugh and laugh and never talk to that nice idiot again.
@Reverend_Scott: [job interview] What's ur greatest strength? "I wear too much cologne" No, I mean- "A lady legit passed out when I got in the elevator"