@1_swarthy_dude: You have to kiss a lot of short, black, flamboyant musicians before you can find your Prince.
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@_ElvishPresley_: cop: your eyes are bloodshot, have you been drinking me: your eyes look glazed, have you been eating donuts cop: no I’m just high—wait a second me: too late ur under arrest
@HousewifeOfHell: [At historic site] Guide: Questions? Me: What's the wifi password? G: I meant about 19th century life. M: Oh....Dost thou have thy password?
@NYC_Blonde: I enjoy April Fool's Day because I like responding to fake pregnancy announcement texts with "no wonder you've been looking chubby".