@envydatropic: You have to sit up to drink coffee in bed. I know that now.
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@jonnysun: grampa: i was sent to war when ur mother was a baby. i didnt kno if i'd see her again me: noo my uber stopped on the other side of the road
@jazmasta: [Walks into steam room at gym] "good morning my.." "Dave no!" "my est.." "Please Dave no.." "..My eSTEAMed colleagues" "Everyone hates you"
@Xoolun: My girlfriend and I were having sex so loud we woke up the whole house. My wife was furious.