@envydatropic: You have to sit up to drink coffee in bed. I know that now.
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@L_W_Headphones: My date spent all night telling me that she loved Bad Boys - Then seemed disappointed when we got back to mine and I put the DVD on.
@jonnysun: LIFE HACK: give ur next child a normal name ME: are u still mad that ur mother and i named u Life Hack
@SteussieErica: [Calling guy I met in bar in '91] Me: Remember you said "Call me any time?" Well, I could really use a sitter tonight.
@4SLars: PSA: If your kid bumps into me one more time with your shopping cart I will unhinge my jaw and swallow him whole.