@4boding: You haven't built just a wall around you; you've constructed a bomb shelter inside a nuclear bunker set into the side of a mountain.
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@crunchenhanced: [In cubicle at work] *pretends to start clipping my nails* *tosses uncooked grains of rice onto co-workers desk with each clip* CW: WTF!
@lecalabara: Home Alone 6: Homeland Security - Everyone in Washington D.C. has gone on vacation and left Kevin in charge!
@mattingebretson: Whenever someone starts checking their phone when I'm talking to them I like to regain their attention by combing their hair
@WildeThingy: [dog social media] Post: *picture of a cat falling out of a tree* caption - "woof, woof, woof." Dog reading: hahahahahaha. *retwoofs*