You haven't mastered the Art of Twitter, until you can subtweet yourself, while everyone else thinks it's about them

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@Alyssa_Jolie: You haven't mastered the Art of Twitter, until you can subtweet yourself, while everyone else thinks it's about them

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@Reverend_Scott: ME: Can you stop the car here? I wanna pet the dogs at that animal shelter. ARRESTING OFFICER: No.

@BlindVigil: "My pleasure, doll" "My pleasure doll" Commas can make a world of difference...

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@RexHuppke: My favorite part of the Bible is where Jesus gives money to the rich, tells the poor to suck it up and asks for Caesar's birth certificate.

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@JennyJohnsonHi5: I wonder if the people who camp out in front of stores for Black Friday sales realize there are online sales too.

@phalguy: My girlfriend's ex won't leave her alone. I'd drive there and do something about it if my wife would just give me the keys.

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