@Alyssa_Jolie: You haven't mastered the Art of Twitter, until you can subtweet yourself, while everyone else thinks it's about them
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@kendracomedy: Whenever the Starbucks guy asks for my name I laugh and whisper "I'm seeing someone"
@DepecheALAmode: Moths are really just butterflies on meth, all angry and shit while head-butting light bulbs and biting holes in your favorite shirt.
@Home_Halfway: Telling my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
@lalastrailer: I spent the whole day cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean trying to find out where my son hides his weed.