@eye_spyder: You hear about that roman ruler who found the fountain of youth? Emperor constant teen.
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@DanKCharnley: [1st day as undercover cop] *approaches drugdealer* Me: "Yes hello I'd like to purchase one crack and two marijuanas please!" *gets stabbed*
@pixelatedboat: 11.45: Arrived at crime scene 11.45: Examined body. Signs of a struggle 11.45: Found murder weapon in drain 11.45: Realised watch was broken
@PaperWash: angel: where'd all the zebras go? God: I put 'em in the desert angel: dude their camouflage was for the snow God: I know lol
@Just_Beachy72: Answers phone breathlessly Friend: Sorry!! Didn't know you had company Me: I was washing floors F: Oh...is that the new code? Me: No...