@HatfieldAnne: You in the crosswalk: I stopped for you. I stopped. I'm stopped. I won’t unstop. Don’t look at me. Just walk. Go. For the love of God.
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@MartaEffing: [1st day in hell] Devil: Your damnation will be that you are a shoe model for all eternity. Me: That's it? D: *hands me orange Crocs*
@AnkCoupleTO: [police lineup] Cop: Do you see the guy who ate your plants? Me: Nope Cop: *waving leaf* Wildebeest step forward? WB: *drooling* Goddamnit