@echoVista: You just HAD to let snakes and spiders on the Ark, didn't you Noah? Way to go, man. Way. To. Go.
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@DurtMcHurtt: [meeting girlfriend at the park] Her: Surprise! I made us a picnic! Me: *unfolding emergency bib from wallet* Holy shit let's do this.
@novicefather: Don't be that crazy person who collects cats. Collect something else instead like toenails.
@SCbchbum: “Son, would you like to go to college some day, or would you like to keep ordering guac? Your choice.”