@jollyrobber: You kids today with your on demand music don't know the euphoria of hearing your jam come on the radio without the DJ talking over it.
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@InternetHippo: I was 13 the first time I tried probiotics. Some kids were passing a cup of yogurt around at a party. I figured why not? Now I’m in prison.
@WetzelGeek: Son, there's no need for a paternity test. I knew you were mine when you came prematurely.
@TheTweetOfGod: Stuck in church. Everyone’s singing “What a Friend We Have in Jesus”. Damn, My son has some stupid friends.
@FatherWithTwins: 4yo: *shoots me with gun* *stuffs gun in my pocket* *runs away* Me: *Realizes he just made it look like a suicide* *keeping an eye on him*