@jessokfine: You knock on the melon to test freshness but something knocks back
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@JermHimselfish: I wasn't entirely comfortable slaughtering that goat under the light of a full moon but grandma's gravy recipe was very specific.
@ValeeGrrl: Husband: *hacks up lung* I think I'm comin down with something Me: lol ok whatever Kid: *tiny cough* Me: OMG MY POOR BABY COME TO MOMMA
@heymonroe: 14 year old me would be shocked to learn that knowing every word to Billy Joel's 'We didn't start the fire' has done nothing for our career.