@jessokfine: You knock on the melon to test freshness but something knocks back
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@GrantTanaka: black friday is crazy, I just maced a kid then some old woman shot me with a crossbow
@kelkulus: When I get to somebody's house, I text them, because knocking on doors is for poor people.
@JMFnSparks: The best part about having a homeless girlfriend is after our date I can drop her off wherever I want
@Smooheed: Bad hair day 429: I no longer look as though I've been electrocuted, but the birds, so, so many birds