@TylerActually: You know, gas prices really aren't that bad when you consider that you're essentially buying dinosaurs in liquid form.
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@simoncholland: I was going to sign this permission slip to let my daughter watch The Grinch at school but I haven't heard back from North Korea yet.
@TheDairylandDon: Real men don't need guns. One time I beat a burglar to death with a sleeve of Ritz crackers and used the crumblings for a casserole crust.
@thatdutchperson: [Person who spends 20 hours per week in the gym] "The trick is to drink 8 glasses of water a day."
@Jake_Vig: HER: I don't know what you'd do without me. ME: HER: Please stop imagining all those things. ME: Ok.