@JVarsityCaptain: You know how if a bear is about to attack you, you're supposed to stand totally still? Your smarter friend that's running just punkd you.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DaHess1: I have an outstanding credit score and even know a dude named Tanner but I'm still not white enough to drink pumpkin beer.
@iwearaonesie: if you want your wife to take you seriously, don't throw your sippy cup during an argument
@DaveTheAlbino: There's absolutely no way Lady Gaga was born with half an Office Depot hot-glued to her head.
@AGreaterMonster: When I was a kid I got in trouble for playing with Grandma Bella in the sandbox. Can't play with dead bodies apparently.