@JVarsityCaptain: You know how if a bear is about to attack you, you're supposed to stand totally still? Your smarter friend that's running just punkd you.
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@GoldenSpirals: Walks up in da club like "Has anyone seen my Mom? She'll be the one trying to cover up everyone's cleavage."
@LoveNLunchmeat: Him: I'm a lover, not a fighter Me: [already has on boxing gloves] Awwww, that's so sweet, should be an easy knockout then
@GaryJanetti: I just found out five people I went to high school with are dead. What's taking the rest of them so long?
@CheryeDavis: I'm glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.