@thecrabbyhook: You know how one lie leads to another? Well, to cut a long story short, my 7yo daughter now thinks she's allergic to owls.
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@ArfMeasures: THERAPIST: What do you wish for? WIFE: That we become closer again & [smiles at me] focus on the important things ME: For the dog to talk
@TheTimmyToes: BARTENDER: the usual? ME: *nods* *bartender hands me a shot glass full of chocolate chips*
@DaddyJew: *sees gf upset* Me: she looks mad, I should say something Brain: lol tell her she's overreacting Me: ok