@thecrabbyhook: You know how one lie leads to another? Well, to cut a long story short, my 7yo daughter now thinks she's allergic to owls.
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@Donna_McCoy: If you want to piss off a narcissist, just tell 'em that subtweet wasn't about them.
@HomeProbably: I was asked to babysit once but it didn't go very well. You're not meant to sit on them.
@maxlavergne: TIP: if ur worried about the airworthiness of the plane you're on offer it a chip. If it eats it you're on a seagull. Disembark immediately
@dafloydsta: ME: When Princess Leia kissed Luke, did you know they were brother and sister? GEORGE LUCAS: *laying in bed* How did you even get in here?