@thecrabbyhook: You know how one lie leads to another? Well, to cut a long story short, my 7yo daughter now thinks she's allergic to owls.
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@pharmasean: I'm rubber, you're glue. He's scissors, she's a toner cartridge, those fellas are paperclips. Welcome to the supply closet pal.
@TeamPHumor: Samantha from Facebook wants everyone to know she & her family are going on a cruise next week just in case you want to break into her house
@mostunladylike: He leans in, looks into my eyes, and lowers the lights. I go in for the kiss. And now I'm being escorted out of the opticians.
@iLikeCatShirts: Star Wars is just like regular wars except you fall in love with your sister and your dad chops your arm off.