@TheTweetOfGod: You know how when you're in sixth grade and you love someone you express it by being mean and throwing rocks at them? That's Me. I love you.
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@mymumps: [covered in olive oil, salt, pepper and other herbs and spices] Professor: "That's just not what I meant when I said "come prepared"..."
@davedittell: WIFE: Dave's here HUSBAND: Dave from work or Dave who always wears scarves? ME: [from downstairs] I got caught in the ceiling fan again!
@StansaidAirport: Do you like freezing to death and knocking down trees with your face? Well why not book a skiing holiday?