@SarcasticAlly12: You know in a video game when you kept pushing b to get through the talking part but later realized you should've read it? That's adulthood.
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@merewillis: My husband showed me beautiful flowers on his phone & said, "Look, I got you some flowers." So I put them in a vase of water. #LastLaugh
@ruinedpicnic: Joe: $400? For ONE night? Innkeeper: It's the honeymoon suite. [outside] Joe: No rooms. Mary: None? Joe: Bummer, huh. That barn looks cosy?