@ericacanrant: You know its my phone if it looks like someone fingerpainted the touch screen in donut glaze.
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@NikiWithIssues: Hey person who wrote "WASH ME" on my car, I know it wasn't my car that wrote that. My car doesn't speak English. I'm onto you.
@WilliamAder: Doctor: Have you quit smoking yet? Me: Has there been a string of unsolved murders in the news? Doctor: No. Me: Then, no, I haven't.