@PrettyInCamo11: You know it's time for a pedicure when you can exfoliate one foot with the other one
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@bombsydoll: [at dentist office] Well you gave me this paper bib and said to put it on how was I to know I wasn't supposed to undress first
@kimmie_1980: I should start a wine company and name the bottles things like "don't be sad" "he's not worth it" "you deserve better"!
@FatBottomGirl1: We've secretly replaced the G with a K on this bottle of Jergens. Let's see if he notices.
@hythemafia: My friend was bleeding, and the first aid book told me to apply pressure... ..So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die