@PrettyInCamo11: You know it's time for a pedicure when you can exfoliate one foot with the other one
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@stockejock: I just danced like no Juan was watching, but he totally was and he cut off the tequila then threw me out of his restaurant you guys.
@EtobicokeErnie: Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.
@UncleDuke1969: Brain: Compliment her eyes Me: Yeah? Brain: Trust me "YOUR EYES ARE BLUE LIKE BLUEBERRIES & THEY'RE PROBABLY SQUISHY TOO." Brain: Perfect!