@PrettyInCamo11: You know it's time for a pedicure when you can exfoliate one foot with the other one
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@fillthevacuum: *checks pockets for phone 53 times before jumping in pool* *skinny dips to be on the safe side*
@cakemittens: Adulthood - Pros: you can eat ice cream in bed. Cons: this will somehow make you sadder.
@CVTBaby: If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one to hear it, he still tries to play it off like he meant it so the other trees don't laugh.
@FrenulumBreve: [Man in restaurant] I'll have that lobster please. *points to aquarium containing lobster putting finishing touches to his octopus disguise*