@Fickle_Filly: You know it's time to quit smoking when you laugh at a tweet and you sound like Muttley.
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@leahloveslovely: Vodka bottles should come printed with a crisis hotline number to call in the event you feel like texting your ex
@DopeyTweeter: Me: Your baby looks funny. Her: That's my dog. M: Yeah.. uh huh. H: ... M: I'd tell everyone it was my dog too if my baby looked like that.
@AthenaMystique: Canadians have to stick together. Really, it's the massive amounts of maple syrup. They don't have much of a choice.
@NotThatKristi: If I was a funeral director, I'd tell everyone "I'll see you later" & then wink, because it's fun to freak people out.