@TragicAllyHere: You know people ask "how are you still single" to singles? It'd be funny if we started saying "how are you still married" to married people
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@HomeProbably: This strange woman won't stop talking to me so I'm going to stare at her eyebrows until she gets paranoid and leaves me alone.
@Ygrene: Person: trust me, I know a thing or two Me: (untrustingly) that's really not an impressive number of things to know
@NewDadNotes: Wife: how do we explain Halloween to our kids? Me: they wear a costume and ask strangers for candy. Wife: but we told them to NEVER accept candy from strangers. Me: tell them one day a year it’s ok. it’s like the Purge but for Children.