@MunkMania: You know shit's getting real when someone bets their glass eye at the neighborhood poker game.
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@lorigonzalez28: Pinterest could've been an amazing dating site. If the project ideas came with men to do them, there wouldn't be a single cat lady left.
@TheTweetOfGod: Jesus was white and spoke English and enjoyed baseball and apple pie and was a churchgoing Christian.
@ScorpionDong: Everyone knows Robin but not a lot of people know Batman's other sidekicks: Stealin, Burglin, Thievin
@huntigula: ME: [deep in thought] it's just so scary, u know? HER: what is, life? ME: [imagining an octopus holding 8 samurai swords] yes. Life.