@MunkMania: You know shit's getting real when someone bets their glass eye at the neighborhood poker game.
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@Reverend_Scott: [Russian class] Um, why did I fail this test? Teacher: You just wrote in English and added "ski" to the end of the words... I knowski.
@erikbransteen: Future Headline: “Trump Caught On Tape Eating Newborn Babies, Hillary Caught Using Friend's Netflix Password Undecideds Still On The Fence”
@Dawn_M_: Someone asked me if I'd found my soulmate and I was like lol I cant even find my debit card.