@NYC_Blonde: You know that episode of Friends where Joey tries to speak French? That's what I hear when watching the State of the Union Address
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@egg_dog: [death row] Guard: Any last words? Me: [smugly] photosynthesis. Guard: … Me: it sounded longer in my head.
@tweetofclay: That's so nice of Activia to offer a money back guarantee. Am I supposed to send them pictures of myself not shitting?