@envydatropic: You know the jack in a box that scared the life out of you when you were a child? That's me as an adult cooking with my smoke detector
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@thegreatnanak: Me: if you tell me how many cookies are in this jar, you can have them all. She: you ate them all didn't you? Me: and we have a winner.
@underchilde: We appreciate the 3 billion guys that signed up for our sex study, but unfortunately we only need five.
@Maxine12333: Kids are easy to care for until they learn to roll over. After that you're never sure what they're up to for the rest of their lives.
@click4amanda: Why do they write PIZZA all over the box???? what else could possibly be in there???