@moooooog35: You know the person in exercise videos that's doing the easy version of everything? I'm the guy behind that person eating chips.
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@tsm560: Her: About last night, please understand that wasn't me... that was the wine. Me: ... Her: ... Me: Do you have a phone number for that wine?
@KraftDinerr: I literally never cry, so my body makes up for it by leaking out of different places. My doctor says it's called "peeing" what a dumb idiot.
@Sal_Stevens: Why was a 9 year old allowed on a shooting range. In my school yoyo's were banned after Jenny got a black eye doing an 'Around the World'
@Matt_The_1st: Hot girl in the avatar, but no selfies in your pics. I'm just gonna call you "bro" from now on.