@moooooog35: You know the person in exercise videos that's doing the easy version of everything? I'm the guy behind that person eating chips.
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@Book_Krazy: Teacher: Why are you late? Boy: My fish died. Teacher: What fish? Boy: You don't know him he goes to different school.
@KateWhineHall: My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
@xLiserx: *Wakes up in Superman's body* Me: Holy crap! I'm finally a hero! *Uses heat vision to re-heat last night's pizza & puts on Netflix*
@Iwriteforcats: [Travels back in time] Me: Abe, what do you think America looks like in the future? Lincoln: United as one nation... Me: Wrong! FATTER.