@mishakey: You know those disgusting people who lick their fingers instead of using a napkin in public? Hi.
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@buhsbaby_baby: Stranger: Ooohh what breed is he?! Me *rolling my eyes* : He's a doggie.
@VeganZebra: [after putting a fake mustache on an elephant] FRIEND: You seen my elephant? ME: no FRIEND: [eyeing elephant] Maybe this fine gentleman has
@Baldylockzzz: Look girl, all I'm saying is , if I have to choose between you and chocolate milk Be prepared to cry
@MartaEffing: I hate when I take a nap on a park bench and everyone assumes I homeless. People with houses get tired, too.
@sarcasticmommy4: Trying to remember where I hid all of my kids' gifts will be the real Christmas miracle.
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