@Traceylei2: You know those orange cones they put on the road for you to knock over? Totally just beat my previous high score.
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@UtilityLimb: the average person eats three spiders a year, but as you're about to find out, it takes an entire year for three spiders to eat a person
@KeetPotato: cop: "you kinda look like one that's all" me: "in no way am i a pirate" cop: "hmm, are you sure?" parrot on my shoulder: "did he stutter?"
@XplodingUnicorn: I made my 4-year-old sit at the table till she finished her lunch It took her 3 hours She was so excited to be done Then I served dinner.