@Traceylei2: You know those orange cones they put on the road for you to knock over? Totally just beat my previous high score.
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@Reverend_Scott: 911: What's your emer- She said don't get her anything for Valentine's Day! 911: And you didn't? No! 911: Placing you in protective custody.
@stephenjmolloy: [bill gates house] Bill: What's on at the cinema? Wife: Let me google it and- *terrified look at bill* Wife: Let me bing it and see.
@Parkerlawyer: Hubs sent me this text: There's no wrong way to tell the person you love that their beautiful. Me: *they're.
@AndyShulk: When I see a flash mob in public I immediately join in to make it seem like they didn't practice enough.