@StcyBnsn: You know what bothers me? When people assume you're homeless cause you're asleep on the street and your pants are gone..
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@WildeThingy: A new study shows twitter is more addictive than crack. A scientist who looks suspiciously like my wife said "better put down that phone."
@BuckyIsotope: My son just asked what erectile dysfunction is so I told him it's when your anaconda don't want none regardless of the presence of buns.
@UncleDuke1969: *goes into kitchen *makes toast *pours coffee *sits at table *opens Sunday paper "WHO ARE YOU & WHY ARE YOU IN MY KITCHEN?" *sighs *leaves
@WheelTod: Tonight playing poker with a buddy he said "Care to make this interesting?" And I said "Sure. For years I've been secretly in love with you"