@F5X11: You know what doesn't cry? Birth control
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@SocialExtortion: Hey, not too bad I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I love you too Ok, bye -phone convos with mom
@lazerdoov: Interviewer: have you ever made, eaten or even seen a sandwich? Dude: no Interviewer: you're hired welcome to Subway
@Cheeseboy22: I'll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn't just put the dots in shape of the actual letters.
@NatBaimel: 17 year-old Malia Obama playing beer pong is the most outrageous thing the child of a president has done since George W. Bush invaded Iraq