@F5X11: You know what doesn't cry? Birth control
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@RoosterMustache: *pulls away from kissing my girlfriend's twin* TWIN: she'll never find out about us ME: thanks dude you're a trustworthy guy
@EndhooS: Do you know how fast you were going sir? "15,000mph?" Wha? No,like 65? "Seems pretty slow wouldn't you say?" I guess so. "Ok bye" bye?
@craydrienne: My Mexican waiter put my food down in front of another white lady who looked nothing like me. I get it now. Oh wait that's not my waiter.