If bad ads/pop-ups are redirecting you, please take a screenshot and email it to [email protected]. Help us keep the site clean!
@Darlainky: You know what else is crazy?
*googles synonyms for crazy*
@carlyken: "No, YOU'VE had too much to drink!"
~Me, to this bar stool
@jwoodham: American cheese is just regular cheese that's not afraid to fight for freedom! Also, it's fatter than the other cheeses. And more racist.
@Parkerlawyer: Listening to my husband's gorilla snoring and contemplating if I could record it and sell to the FBI as an alternative to waterboarding.
@AmishPornStar1: Interviewer: Why should we hire you?
Me: Well, if you hire me, I will make all of your other employees look FANTASTIC by comparison.
@krissywillbretz: [god creating raccoons]
Angel: what do I do with all the leftover tiny people hands?
God: hand me those cats.