@SortaBad: "You know what pal, lay your own damn eggs" - jerk chicken
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@illuminatedwndr: the guy at Subway just put Cheetos on my sandwich. can't tell if he's stoned, or he knows that I am
@Fred_Delicious: [becomes allergic to the floor midway through a date & slowly floats out of a window]
@DadandBuried: My son can now reach the light switches so don't come over my house unless you're really into raves or want to have a seizure.