@PhilNista: You know what really gets my goat? Chupacabras.
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@Parkerlawyer: I wondered why my back was so sore until I saw my son jumping rope on a crack in the sidewalk.
@AnitaAlibi: My neighbor called my dog fat the other day. Took me two hours to convince my dog that he just had thick fur.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: News: Hillary won the debate! My friends: Bernie won the debate! Trump: I won the debate! Huckabee: Asian people eat dogs!