@PhilNista: You know what really gets my goat? Chupacabras.
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@Amusitr0n: It's freedom of expression. Grocery Store Manager: sir you were holding a potato in a tiny cage and threatening the store potatoes
@JermHimselfish: The only meal my girlfriend ever makes for me is alphabet soup because even when we aren't fighting she still loves to put words in my mouth
@TweetPotato314: Me: Sorry I’m late, I was trying to jump my wife’s car for like half an hour. Boss: Need a new battery? Me: No, I just think I need better shoes.
@DaveTheAlbino: Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.