@ibid78: "You know what, that's some ?.."
"Calm down you're being irrational right now."
@xosm: Technology: the world is at your fingertips, you can accomplish anything!
@CopBroughtPizza: pet owner's tip: glue the very tip of your cat's tail to the center of their back to make a convenient cat-carrying handle.
@mrtruthandsoul: I can tell the way my kids inherited my sarcasm by the way I want to punch them in the face every time they use it.
@DadandBuried: I'm so sick of everyone asking if I *really* hate my kids. They're just jokes, people. Annoying, inconvenient jokes who are ruining my life.
@darinlovesbacon: My kid asked me where babies came from and I was like "Dude, ask your Mom. I still can't figure out why Garfield talks and Odie doesn't."