@ibid78: "You know what, that's some ?.."
"Calm down you're being irrational right now."
@WilliamAder: First person to build a clock had no idea how long it took.
@lecalabara: Thanks Autocorrect, I did want to bang her braids out.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Girl from my high school posted on Facebook that she got a "constellation prize" at a church carnival yesterday. She skipped school a lot.
@wickedimproper: Sometimes when I want to make my girlfriend feel skinny, I just release about 25% of her from the air valve.
@MelvinofYork: My kid told me an “old dead girl” lives in her room and whispers to her at night. I hope they get along cuz I’m never going in there again.