We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@ibid78: "You know what, that's some ?.."
"Calm down you're being irrational right now."
@outsmartedmommy: The doctor told me I need to rest so I dropped the kids off at his office & now he won't stop calling me as if that's going to help me rest.
@DallyDoll: I was kicked out of the gym for arguing with my step aerobics instructor, but I don't care. She's not my real aerobics instructor.
@slimmy_shady: If she licks all the frosting off her face with a single 360 degree sweep of the tongue, she might be Scooby Doo.
@JohnnyCrash5: Friend: How come you didn't come to my babyshower?
Me: Oh I'm sorry but I passed away.
@Midlifecrisis18: Sex in your 40's:
* CRRRACK *
Her: Was that me or you?
Me: Just go with it, we'll assess injuries later.