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@causticbob: You know what they say,
so I won't tell you.
@IntrepidDeviant: You don't know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself
@gerryhallcomedy: Sadly learned my family is racist. I started dating a black girl. Brought her home to meet the family. Wife and kids wouldn't talk to her.
@ObscureGent: The best way to get the woman of your dreams is to comment "gorgeous" on a minimum of 52 of her selfies.
@jonnysun: JESUS: heaven… must be missing an angel
ME: o gee thamk u jesus ur so sweet
JESUS: time to send u back
ME: wait no what
@aldomax_: Burnt ma Hawaiian pizza today
Shoulda cooked it on aloha temperature