@sammyrhodes: "You know what would make a good gift for this 3yr old? A harmonica." - people without kids
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@PaperWash: HAHA! Answer your phone silly. I called you like 18 times. -I say as I climb through your window
@Reverend_Scott: Apparently you can't make a baby by adding water to baby powder, so don't waste your time.
@HousewifeOfHell: Someday, scientists will capture the energy of eye rolls to produce electricity, and the world will be a cleaner, more sarcastic place.
@NeinQuarterly: The #NSA walks into a bar. Bartender: "Got a new joke for you." NSA: "Heard it."