@sammyrhodes: "You know what would make a good gift for this 3yr old? A harmonica." - people without kids
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@KentWGraham: My boss has stopped letting me leave early for my son’s Little League games ever since he learned he’s in his second year of college.
@perfect_messs: Me: Can't remember what I said 2 seconds ago. Also me: Remembers verbatim our 37 min conversation about belly button lint from 5 yrs ago.
@liv_thatsme: Me (to stock boy): Tell the manager there's a mess in Aisle 6 *Manager arrives* Me: I really appreciate this, I've just been really lonel-