@hyperblastchic: You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
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@House_Feminist: A lonely rooster sees neon sign flashing HOT CHICKEN STRIPS, walks into Popeyes and cringes in horror as he drops his dollar bills
@DurtMcHurtt: Sorry I changed your ringtone to Salt-N-Pepa's "push it" and called you a bunch of times during your colonoscopy.
@NicCageMatch: Trying to take the best instagram picture ever but the kittens keep drowning in the latte.