@SlayerSays: You know what's really great about being a narcissist? Me.
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@GrantTanaka: Left work, txted wife "Coming homo." Then I txted her "Haha whoops, I meant BEcoming homo."
@AmandasNotFunny: I've always wanted to walk into a large room and be the most beautiful woman in there. But I'm scared of Walmarts :(
@sarcasm_inc: Me: I'm hot blooded check it and see got a fever of 103! 911: Did u call earlier about having a bad case of loving me? M: maybe 911: stop