@prettysadmostly: You know whats scarier than a bee chasing you because i dont
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@KalvinMacleod: [speed dating] ME: I like your hair HER: OK ME: And your teeth are so smiley HER: You know this is a job interview, right? ME: *rings bell*
@brittwastaken: "Why don't you love me anymore?" I sob as I gather my belongings. "Is it because of the kleptomania?" I cry as I put your cat in my purse.
@IamEnidColeslaw: I've been a vegetarian for 13 years but if I ever got the chance I would absolutely 100% bite the head off the Geico gecko
@pan_opt_icon: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: Besides that.