@brianbooone: You know when two cops park their cars facing opposite directions so they can talk to each other through their driver-side windows? That’s called a 6-9-1-1.
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@enigmaterics: Eat food with the fridge open in front of the other food to establish dominance as well as prepare for the next feeding.
@QueenKillerBee: Tried my hand at this whole 'cougar' business but I just don't like the taste of hikers. It's possible I read the wrong Wikipedia page.
@CelebrityChez: (Interview) Says here on your resume that you're unpredictable. (I take a squirrel out of my pants dressed as Batman) "That's a rumor".
@causticbob: I have started a band called Free Beer. When people see our sign 'Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM' I'm sure everyone is going to be there.