@DRUNKdadding: You know when your cat looks at your kids like "thanks to you I've been out of food for 3 days and nobody's noticed" .....?
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@calamitydaisy: I feel a burst of superiority when I trick a fly into flying out of my car window.
@Awesomemom10: Maybe if I answer the door naked the pizza delivery guy won't realize I paid with Monopoly money.
@TheCiscoKidder: Fight Club, but instead of blowing up all the financial institutions, they reset all twitter follower counts back to zero.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: You know how dogs think, when you leave, that you're never coming back? That's how I feel when I leave the house for work every morning.