@DRUNKdadding: You know when your cat looks at your kids like "thanks to you I've been out of food for 3 days and nobody's noticed" .....?
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@iRowlf: Baby monitors are pointless because most babies simply stop doing illegal shit as soon as they realize you've got their room bugged.
@evilmallelis: things I would say ALL THE TIME were I a Mysterious Widow: -how terribly kind of you -richard LOVED the water -i can't, i'm wearing gloves
@LaLuchaNix: [Pulling brother's life support plug] *whispers in ear* "This is for that time you cheated at Monopoly."
@Nikky_Gin: Latino soap operas where no one seems to have locks on their doors and people burst in at odd hours demanding the truth