@Leemanish: "You know where you are? You're in the jungle, baby. You gonna DIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!! ...Only Kidding! Welcome to Red Lobster, party of 2?"
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@Tmoney68: Just saw a man wearing a pager. Apparently, he's expecting a very important call from someone in 1994.
@Quadricycle: [At restaurant] I'm so hungry I could eat a horse! But I'm on a diet so... [To waiter] Do you have diet horse?
@junejuly12: People who say 45 minutes past the hour are the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 months old
@lazerdoov: Break into your neighbor's house every night but don't take anything just put a cape on their dog