@jwoodham: "You know who needs more attention? Celebrities. Maybe we could give them trophies or something." Good idea, Oscar. What'd you have in mind?
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@WhatevaConc: When complaining of a stomach ache, you don't really need to point to it or pat it gently. People pretty much know where the stomach is.
@LoneWolfStories: Her: Let's go shopping. Me: In your dreams. Her: The boutique has Wi-Fi. Me: Why are we still here?
@thegayfarmerguy: The wind blew a smart car into my lane and I had to roll down my window and swat it out of the way.
@Steelers1972: The only difference between Black Friday and a zombie apocalypse is that zombies don't care if you get the last iPad Mini.