@michaelianblack: You know who's really upset about Romney losing? Wire coat hanger manufacturers.
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@Kyle_Lippert: Mumford & Sons! It's your cousin, Marvin. Marvin & Sons. You know that new sound you're looking for? *holds phone to a boiling pot of water*
@Brianhopecomedy: I hope that the missing puzzle piece my 5 year old has been searching the house for has nothing to do with my 2 year old's burp.
@Dawn_M_: I'm crying and wearing a falcon glove so I get sympathy sex from people who think my falcon flew away.
@iwearaonesie: wife: What's wrong? me [annoyed because the kids menu has a picture of a tree on it but they didn't give me any brown crayons] Nothing