@michaelianblack: You know who's really upset about Romney losing? Wire coat hanger manufacturers.
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@michael_J_m00n: Cops said my blood alcohol level was above the legal limit which is crazy because I don't even drink blood alcohol.
@PieChord: Wanna know what it's like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
@hippieswordfish: ME: i thought i saw a new color today WIFE: wait- is this..are you.. M: but it- W: oh no M: was just- W: dont M: a pigment of my imagination