@michaelianblack: You know who's really upset about Romney losing? Wire coat hanger manufacturers.
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@kentgrossarth: 'Pizza Hut, can I take your order?' Me: 'May I speak with the owl, please?' 'Who?' Me: 'Hahaha, that never gets old! Large pepperoni.'
@Prof_Hinkley: [After 20 min at your house] I used all your toilet paper "Check in the cabine-" All of it "We have more in the gar-" All of it all of it
@Sean_Burgundy_: I don't get why some girls don't make airplane noises before putting their tampons in