@michaelianblack: You know who's really upset about Romney losing? Wire coat hanger manufacturers.
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@TheBoydP: Protip: If your coworker has a picture of herself and her dog labeled "Beauty and the Beast" you shouldn't ask her which one is which.
@Mr_Kapowski: Guys, Kelly Kapowski does not belong solely to me She belongs to us all She's R. Kelly
@Bob_Janke: Please stop adding noises to your songs that sound like maybe something is wrong with my car.
@JohnLyonTweets: I thought this house was haunted by a ghost but it turned out it was Bruce Willis the whole time. Also, I broke into Bruce Willis' house.