@Steelers1972: You know you are getting old when you have to scroll down, scroll down, and scroll down some more, to select the year you were born.
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@murrman5: [turns to buddy just before bar fight] "I'll take the guy with the glasses, you take the guy dressed as a ninja"
@Nrvous1: Having an Internet girlfriend is easier than having a real girlfriend because I don't have to suck my gut in.
@DadandBuried: Doing LEGO with my son is like assisting during surgery. 6yo: Flat gray piece. Me: Here. 6: 5 square red blocks. M: Here. 6: I said RED!
@RegularFred: [Rorschach test] Patient: Leprechauns in cheetah print unitards kickflipping over flaming tree stumps Dr: I think we can skip the others