@ARealTinderella: You know, you don't realise what you've got until you don't have it. I just ran out of toilet paper ...
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@FBSisnothere: When I hear the phrase "Freudian slip" I immediately imagine Sigmund in a revealing, yet tasteful nightgown. That can't be healthy.
@Kendragarden: The waitress said they were out of pizza but then much later I saw a pizza come out to another table. (My super villain origin story)
@TitansHomer: How do Mexicans cut their pizza? With Little Ceasars *drops mic, Harlem shakes off stage*
@joeljeffrey: I took my cat to Build-A-Bear so he could see what's going to happen to him if he pees on the carpet again.