@ARealTinderella: You know, you don't realise what you've got until you don't have it. I just ran out of toilet paper ...
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@lifecoachfit: I'm not gonna let something like a restraining order get in the way of a love as special and unique as ours. Shhhhh. Stop crying.
@dafloydsta: FRIEND: Make her the center of attention ME: Okay [later at restaurant] ME: *throws food at next table* ME: *pointing at date* SHE DID IT
@NuclearBavarian: A car with a car rack looked like a police car, so I slowed down, only to realize I had been tricked into obeying the law FOR NO REASON.
@badbanana: "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to dye." Auric Goldfinger giving instructions at his Easter egg decorating party.