@shegotagronk: You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.
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@iamspacegirl: SANTA: Mhm, and I see here that you have the power of flight, which wo- SUPERMAN W/ ANTLERS TIED TO HIS HEAD: Look, I really need this job.
@jonnysun: nothing is funny anymore becuase nothing is normal anymore. i saw a pigeon on the subway today and thought "how did a pigeon make $2.75"
@OutOnTheMoors: Dear USA: Having seen most of your potential candidates, please ditch elections and try the sword-in-the-stone method of choosing a leader.
@TravLeBlanc: I'm working on inventing an electronic Ouija board so that I can keep tweeting after I die.