@FBSisnothere: You know you have something special w someone when u start finishing their sentences. But enough about me & my local Subway sandwich artist
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@BobTheSuit: Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because I'm riding a Big Wheel on the freeway? Officer: A STOLEN BIG WHEEL
@stevevsninjas: Named my band Scheduled for Demolition so whenever it appears on a marquee, confused people write angry letters to the city council.
@sixfootcandy: People need to learn the difference between heroin and heroine. One is exceedingly more difficult to fit into a syringe.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: I just got asked to work on a "special project" which is boss for "This was assigned to me but you're smarter so here you do it."