@BareChesty: You know your driving really sucks when your GPS says "After 300 yards, stop and let me out"
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@Manda_like_wine: She often thinks about what life may have been outside the asylum, had the cashier refrained from putting her change on top of the receipt.
@ShittyComedian: No officer the joke's on you. That breathalyzer will never tell you how much acid I dropped tonight.
@EliTerry: Imagine a bunch of Italian mobsters tiptoeing and trying not to giggle as they gingerly place a horse head in bed with a sleeping guy.
@Slygirl08: *Really attractive person waves at me in their car*-*I wave back enthusiastically*-*realizes they were just putting their visor down*