@BareChesty: You know your driving really sucks when your GPS says "After 300 yards, stop and let me out"
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@Underchilde: Honk all you want, but if I don’t eat these donuts at this green light I’ll have to share them at home.
@amydillon: [son comes home with big lump on his forehead] ME: Oh no, what happened? 7: I fell down on the playground. ME: How did you fall? 7: Forward.
@curlycomedy: Someone accused me of spending too much time on the Internet. I don't know what to say. I am so full of emoticons right now.
@shkeeber: If a genie grants you 3 wishes, use the first one to make the genie develop short term memory loss, and then keep making 2nd wishes forever.