@BareChesty: You know your driving really sucks when your GPS says "After 300 yards, stop and let me out"
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@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: this year, can you put the santa presents out for the kids christmas morning? GUY WHO NEVER FOUND OUT SANTA CLAUS ISN'T REAL: what
@lurve_meh: They say kill 'em with kindness but it's much quicker if you just take their phone charger away.
@AbbyHasIssues: Guess who went all day without dropping food on her shirt? Not me, but I’m sure somebody somewhere did.