@Xalqee: You know you're an Alcoholic when you can't even say the word "sober" without making air quotes
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@AndrewNadeau0: [3rd Date] *To myself* ok, you really like this girl. Just play it cool, detached. ME: I don't even care what season we get married in.
@sexorpizza: Friend: Hey guess what? Me: What? Friend: No, guess! Me: I don't need this friendship that bad.
@KalvinMacleod: HER: this isn't working out ME: is it because I'm too literal? HER: I just don't want to see you any more ME: ok *gently closes her eyes*
@ericsshadow: [wearing a 'World's Greatest Dad' t-shirt while talking to the bartender] "The younger one is about 8 and the older one is older than 8."